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postpartum running: 13 months out

postpartum running: 13 months out

I’ve had this draft saved on my computer for well over a month now, and I keep coming back to it, editing and revising it, deciding that I don’t like what I originally said or that it wouldn’t necessarily be helpful to anyone. I guess you could say that I more or less had this “grand master plan” of what my “postpartum running from the one-year-out mark” post would look like, and it wasn’t until (and unless!) my thoughts on the screen mirrored those in my head that I’d be sufficiently content to hit publish.

…and in the “yet again, the universe always makes sense” department, I realized that it’s kinda that image, that picture of me having an idea in my head for how I want something to look, working on it, feeling like I am coming up short compared to my lofty standards, and eventually saying eh fuck it this is probably good enough I’m probably overthinking this and letting go (hitting publish) – that picture, that process, that’s really one as good as any to adequately (appropriately, accurately, pick your starts-with-a-adverb here) to describe postpartum running (round 2) from the one-year mark.

The cliché of how quickly time passes, especially when you have a little one, is a tired cliché for a reason: it’s true. “The days are long but the years are short” – or whatever – but there’s this weird Twilight Zone, time-warp thing that has made this past year both feel like it has flown by and that it hasn’t. Most pertinent to this blog, though, as soon as G showed up a year ago (or 13 months ago, anyway), there began the newest chapter in my “pregnant running” to “postpartum running” story.

3 days old
3 days old. and yeah, after you have a baby, you still look pregnant for a while. totally normal. sweet umbilical hernia I got there, eh?

 

13 mos. old. Slight difference.
aaaaaaaand 13 mos. old. Slight difference.

Pregnancies are known for being wildly different, even when we’re talking about the same woman, and I’d venture to say that postpartum stuff can vary tremendously as well. With my first, I didn’t begin running again until six weeks postpartum, and this was after taking the final six weeks of my ~41 week pregnancy off from running because I had developed some killer lower SI pain that was only going to go away once I had the baby. That postpartum journey with A was good and fortunately without any sort of injury or setback. I had her in the spring of 2011; a year later, almost to the day, I knocked about four minutes off my three-year-old marathon PR, and for those first 18 months (or so) postpartum, I set and re-set PRs in nearly every distance I raced, ultimately bringing my marathon PR down from a 3:37 (2008) to a 3:34 (spring ’12), 3:31 (winter ’13), a high 3:20 (spring ’13), and my current PR, a low 3:20 (autumn ’13, when A was just shy of 2.5 years old). I changed literally everything about how I trained from prepartum to postpartum and was lucky (smart) enough to remain injury-free. Sometimes women can suffer from a bunch of different postpartum-related complications as their bodies get used to not being pregnant anymore, and I luckily didn’t have any of those problems the first time around.

Postpartum running the second time around has been pretty similar in some respects. For starters, I ran longer during my second pregnancy, with my last run about 10 hours before I gave birth, and my midwives cleared me for “activity” sooner, at three weeks postpartum – not at all at my begging insistence, more along the lines of them mentioning to me “oh yea, you’re looking good, go do whatever you want.” Well then … I didn’t have the shitty, ohmygodmyuterusisgoingtofallout feeling I had in my initial postpartum runs like I had before, and generally speaking, I felt great the second time around pretty much from the start. Of course, stupid things came up the second time around that interrupted my running – a double-hernia repair at about a month postpartum and then at about three months postpartum, another outpatient surgery to fetch a runaway IUD that had perforated my uterus and had set up shop elsewhere in my right quadrant (oh, and an unplanned appendectomy, too … BOGO, I guess?), and this pesky GI stuff that I’ve been dealing with actually since before my first born – but all told, postpartum running part deux has been fairly smooth sailing, in terms of the actual physical side of things. Just like the first time around, I fortunately and very luckily haven’t had to deal with post-pregnancy complications (such as DR or uterine prolapse).

thank god I gave birth about 12 hours later. this was my last pic I sent to my also-pregnant-at-the-time sister, basically saying that I had no idea where else this baby was going to grow because I was plum outta room.
praise the lord I gave birth about 12 hours later, at 38w1d. this was my last pic I sent to my also-pregnant-at-the-time sister, basically saying that I had no idea where else this baby was going to grow because I was plum outta room.

 

When I began running postpartum, I didn’t really start with any hard-and-fast running goals, in terms of weekly volume or speed or anything like that, because I obviously needed to figure out how to be a mom to two kids for the first time in my life. It’s no small order, even if you’re “just” a SAHM. I think this feeling of somewhat detaching from my running – that is, being satisfied with being able to run, even if it’s not necessarily what I “wanted” to or “needed” to do that day – has been key to my first year of postpartum running this time around. I can care, but I can also not. Go have expectations, but also don’t. Make some goals, but don’t really worry about them too much. It’s been strangely liberating and empowering.

first time on AR trails after giving birth - 11 miles, 2,400+ gain, and pretty much had my ass handed to me. It was so good.
first time on AR trails after giving birth – 11 miles, 2,400+ gain, and pretty much had my ass handed to me. I didn’t know what distance I’d be able to post that day, much less how I’d fare climbing, but I showed up, and therein was the victory, my friends.  PC- Saurabh

 

Along those same lines, probably one of the biggest lessons that postpartum running part deux has taught me has been to just go with things more often. Cue your inner Elsa, and don’t be afraid to let that shit go sometimes. When you’re figuring out life with little ones at home, you will likely eventually learn that your days and nights don’t always go as you envision. Some drawn-from-real-life examples:

That 5-mile stroller run becomes 1 or 2 because the baby is incredibly fussy, and/or you have to go get your other kid from school because she’s fallen ill.

That predawn run, where you get up at 4 to pump (yup) so you can be ready to run by 5 (yup, there goes an hour), doesn’t happen because the baby literally wakes up as you’re heading out the door.

The long trail run with your friends might not happen because you’ve gotten shit for sleep the past few nights because (insert reason here, probably something related to the baby), and at the end of the day, running for a few hours, while awesome, will not incur the same benefits to you, at this moment in your life, as sleeping for a few more (likely interrupted) hours.

And so on.

With all of these, hmm, let’s call them “life circumstances,” you can choose to just let them go and move on, hoping that tomorrow (or whenever your next opportunity to run comes) will go a little more according to what you envisioned, or you can sulk about things not going your way. It’s admittedly sometimes hard to just let it go – we runners are goal-driven, come hell or high water, for a reason – but it’s been in doing that for the past year that I think I’ve felt my best, both mentally and physically, with my running. I care so much and am so eager to improve, but I’m also very content. So weird. My words are failing me.

When you’re a runner, and probably a bit of a Type A, becoming ok with doing less than you envisioned can be a lot easier said than done. It’s so satisfying to check-off boxes each day, log lots of miles, and watch the numbers rack up week after week. My experiences this past year have taught me that if you’re parenting little ones (and still wearing all the other hats that life gives you), sometimes something’s gotta give – especially if you’re finding that you’re feeling mentally or physically burnt-out or just tired as hell. Running is supposed to be fun. It’s not supposed to be another life stressor. Like I said before, if I can run for an hour or sleep for an hour, and I got shit for sleep the night before, I’m at a place in my life where I will enthusiastically sleep for another hour and not feel bad about it. At earlier stages in my life, I would be riddled with guilt over my irresponsibility. No more. I so do not believe in training at all costs. I don’t know that I’ve ever bought into that mentality – all those ideas that the ridiculous fitspo memes unfortunately perpetuate – but after having my second kid, I’m more of a non-believer than ever. I’m human. I’m cool with that. Sometimes, a lot of times, I fall short. I miss miles. I skip workouts if I think it’s the right call or, hell, if I feel like I need to be lazy one weekend morning (looking at you, Saturday’s workout). It’s all good. I’m alright with it, more now than I have ever been. I want to check-off all those boxes as much as the next runner, but if I can’t (or choose not to), no big deal. Life goes on. It’s not going to break my training/race.

 

course monitoring like a champ
trading in a morning run to volunteer with my team at a major race in my city? no brainer. didn’t feel guilty for it. [~2.5 m/o G]

Looking back at the past year, when I ran the Berkeley half marathon at about three and a half months postpartum, I told myself that if I did it and felt pretty good in the thick of it, that I’d consider a spring marathon. It went better than I anticipated it would, so I figured that a spring 26.2 would be fun. Running while pregnant (both times) allowed me to re-harness my love of running just for the sake of running, but now that I wasn’t growing anyone, I wanted to return to the structure that marathon training dictates – while still being comfortable letting plans fly to the wayside if I needed to. It’s a bit of a juxtaposition – wanting to train for a marathon because I like and thrive on the structure but remaining willing to tell said structure to eff off from time to time – but it worked for me.

cheesin' at Berkeley
mid-run cheese

 

In my first marathon postpartum, at 7 months, I virtually tied my PR with a high 3:20 (fifty seconds slower than my PR, and on a pretty warm day), and not long later, I comfortably helped pace a woman to her first marathon finish and BQ at a 3:30. I could have been pissed about coming this close but still falling short of my PR attempt at Modesto, but honestly, I wasn’t. I ran a time at 7 mos PP that it took me 2.5 years to reach after having my first; c’mon. Of course I was going to be happy with that. About 9 weeks later, when I ran another marathon as a comfortable LR and helped pace a woman to her first marathon finish (natch) and BQ (3:30, baller), when I was beginning to feel kinda mentally burnt-out, I was again thrilled with how my running was shaping up so soon, relatively speaking, after G. I couldn’t have run that pace a year after having A, and I did it less than a year after having G and while still also BFing exclusively. Why wouldn’t I be happy with that?!

Modesto '16 - juuuuuust outside my PR and having an effing ball
Modesto ’16 – juuuuuust outside my PR and having an effing ball

 

but really, if you can't take two seconds to look like an idiot for a camera mid-marathon, why bother. (PEM '16)
but really, if you can’t take two seconds to look like an idiot for a camera mid-marathon, why bother. (PEM ’16)

With all of this, I’m not insinuating that I’m any better a runner than I am; instead, I’m sharing my experiences because I’m trying to harp on the importance of having some perspective in your postpartum running. It’s up to you whether you find value and worth in comparing your postpartum performances to your ones pre-baby, but if you do, please please please remember how much your life and body have both changed so profoundly and dramatically in the process. Becoming a mom isn’t a handicapping attribute to sport, despite what you might have gleaned from Olympics commentators, yet at the same time, it’s unrealistic to think that becoming a mom doesn’t change your running (or your body) in some long-lasting ways. Having two kids now hasn’t written off my will to compete (with myself or with others); if anything, being able to nearly-PR my marathon 7 months out makes me really excited to continue on this road (or trail, sure) and see where it ultimately leads. I have goals and ideas and dreams and aspirations, but like I’ve explained, it’s all day-by-day. I’m along for the ride as much as anyone.

speaking of ride... (10 mo. G)
speaking of ride… (10 mo. G)
winning the 5k baby mama division (while pregnant) in 2015 at she.is.beautiful - Santa Cruz
more rides … winning the 5k baby mama division (while pregnant) in 2015 at she.is.beautiful – Santa Cruz – while pushing A

 

winning the baby mama 10k at she.is.beautiful with G (just shy of 8 mos.) and winning another running stroller - so fun
and more rides still: a year later, winning the baby mama 10k at she.is.beautiful SC while pushing baby G (just shy of 8 mos.) and winning another running stroller – so fun. If you are local, put s.i.b. on your calendar.

 

With all of this in mind, then, if you’re reading this and you’re postpartum, I think the biggest takeaway I can give to you (and to myself) related to postpartum running is to just relax.

You’ll develop your speed again (and at least anecdotally, from virtually any mother I’ve talked to who ran pre-pregnancy and has continued to run postpartum, you’ll probably get faster. Chalk it up to using your running time more wisely, I guess?).

You’ll develop your strength again (and here, you’ll probably be able to throw down more. Hauling around children does wonders for your strength, if not also leaving you a little creaky from time to time).

You’ll develop your training volume again (if you want to. Your world is different now. You might want to, or you might not. Different strokes).

I don’t think there’s any real value in giving yourself a deadline of when you want things to happen. Put in the effort, be ready and willing to work when your body is capable of handling it, and just let things unfold. Don’t think that just because X hasn’t happened by your arbitrary date that you’re somehow incapable of realizing the goal. This shit takes time – all good things do, right? – and again, with postpartum running, you’re figuring out how to “do” your life again. It’s tough. It’s incredibly rewarding, but it’s tough. I don’t know when you can say that you’ve figured it all out because if babies/kids are good at anything, they’re pros at disrupting schedules juuuuuuuuust when you think you’ve got everything figured out – they change so much and so quickly – but hey, parenting, running – take it in stride, ya know? Literally and metaphorically. Step at a time, mis amigas.

even a rocky step is a step. (at the peak of mission peak - Sept '16)
even a rocky step forward is a step forward. (ridiculous and awkward selfie at the very foggy peak of mission peak; you’re welcome – Aug ’16)

 

I implore you – just be patient. Chances are, you’re doing a better job than you realize. If today is rough, it doesn’t promise that tomorrow will be, too. One bad run doesn’t mean that the entire week will be garbage. Every day is an opportunity – as after-school-special cheesy as that sounds – and you’ll figure it all out. You’ll be fine.

You’re doing great.

2015 Berkeley Half Marathon race recap

2015 Berkeley Half Marathon race recap

A week and change ago, along with a few thousand other runners, I ran the Berkeley Half Marathon through the mean streets and hills of Berkeley and the Cal (UC-Berkeley) campus. The same company that manages the BHM also manages the SF Marathon, and I was fortunate to be a social media ambassador for both races this year (and have my races comped — thank you!). My family and I have lived in the Bay Area now for nearly two years, but I’ve spent virtually no time in Berkeley (and hadn’t run there at all), so I was excited about the opportunity to run the “not flat” course, using it as yet another fitness/endurance assessment of how my running was faring at about 3.5 months postpartum. A big bonus was that Chicago-turned-Berkeley galpal Meredith lives a block-ish from the race’s starting/finishing area, and Portlander Austin (whom I somehow had managed to not see in over a year) would be in town that weekend as well. I had also learned that SF buddy Travis would be running, so we made arrangements to rendezvous pre-race at Meredith’s with Austin, Meredith, Travis, and Jen. Big Sis was also along for the ride on race morning, since she’d be hanging with everyone not running, so while there were a lot of moving parts, it was bound to be a good (albeit complicated) morning.

I wanted to get a decent idea of how my fitness and endurance were coming along, so while I didn’t actually train for this race as I properly should for a half marathon — I’m talking about both HM specific intensity (speed) and distance — I knew that the mileage  and time on my feet I put in, a la long runs on the weekends, would more than likely cover me. Truth be told, I’ve never actually properly trained for a HM and have only run them during marathon training cycles, so without consulting with some experts, I wouldn’t know how to train for one … anyway. Tangential.

My goals for the race were two-fold: a) to finish the thing (always) and b) to post a 1:4x, probably somewhere in the 1:42+ range. I based that number mostly on whimsy but also somewhat on some very unscientific intuition and reflection. My thinking was this: my first half post-baby in 2011 was about 5 months postpartum and was a 1:44 on a very flat Chicago course, with a very different training/speed/volume history leading up to it (and with much more time off during pregnancy and postpartum). The BHM would be a tougher (hillier) course, no doubt, and I wouldn’t be as far along PP (about 3.5 months versus 5 months+), but my running training/speed/volume since 2011 looks virtually nothing like it did pre-2011. It’s not to say that I thought a 1:42 was in the bag (because newsflash, it never is), but my educated guess was that it would be doable, barring catastrophe.

Half-Marathon-Course-Map-15-01-01
what I was getting myself into

On race morning, A and I arrived to Meredith’s shortly after 6:30 and chilled with everyone before Travis and I left for a warm-up. I was so excited to be running and racing again, and while I did my usual pre-run/pre-race song and dance and ate/drank my usual stuff, my body was still throwing me all sorts of the pre-race nerves, like making me think I had to pee or poop 1000 more times (negative) or that I wasn’t physically ready to run (nope) or that my milk was going to come in and make me all engorged for a couple hours (nada – fed the baby in the wee hours and pumped before the warm-up). Minorly annoying, kinda funny, but also strangely satisfying to have these feelings again before a race for the first time in a long time. You know what I’m talking about.

Travis and I had similar time goals, so we decided to start the race together, though we soon got separated after about mile 1 or 2. The “not flat” course posts most of the its hills in the first 5 miles (and many seemingly right out of the gate). The first few miles also weaves you through downtown Berkeley (I think … or a downtown that’s very near the Cal campus) before taking you through campus and some neighborhoods. It’s all hilly, but in late November, especially through some of the ‘hoods, it’s also quite beautiful with some probably hella expensive homes, the tree cover, and the foliage’s changing colors.

free race pics FTW. I don't know where this is on course, but here's a pretty picture of a tree with pretty leaves.
free race pics FTW. I don’t know where this is on course, but here’s a pretty picture of a tree with pretty leaves.

As I do for probably more worse than better, I rarely looked at my watch and instead just took everything on effort, especially during the first five-ish miles when it seemed like we were climbing hill after hill, with very few flats in between. I kinda vowed to catch back up with everyone who was flying past me on the few flats between each ascent, though I don’t think my vows actually materialized. More than anything, I felt in control, ascending wasn’t all that gruelling, and I was having a blast. Sometimes when I run in a new-to-me location, I feel disoriented because I don’t know where I am, nor do I know where I’m going, and even though I had no sense of direction or orientation during the BHM, I felt strangely liberated by it. (Sidenote: sometimes I wonder if I fare better at races where I don’t know where I am. Does anyone else feel this way??).

again, not sure where this is (maybe Cal, judging from the building in the background?), but I am obvs stupidly happy
again, not sure where this is (maybe Cal, judging from the building in the background?), but I am obvs stupidly happy to be there. (sidenote: sandal dude behind me!)

I took a few gels around 4, 7, and maybe 10 — I had written the mile markers/aid station stops on my hand so I’d remember when to take them — and felt pretty solid. I had begun catching up to people through the back half of the course and, from what I could tell, was ahead of more people than were people ahead of me (if that makes any sense). I knew I wasn’t going at what was once my usual HM speed, but I wasn’t dwelling on it or comparing how I was doing now versus how I did before. I was fine with where I was and told myself, at the risk of sounding kinda silly, that I belonged in the race and belonged at the paces I was posting. Fun and gross fact: in basically all of my HMs I raced (or attempted to race) in 2014, my stomach threw a veritable shit storm and relegated me to port-a-potties or bushes mid-race with wonderful bouts of diarrhea (you’re welcome, and sorry). I got nothing to say for it except that running can sometimes hurt like hell. Fortunately, throughout the BHM, my stomach wasn’t throwing me any Code Browns, so as far as I was concerned, I was winning the thing. Feeling in control, having fun, not feeling the imminent need to go defecate in public somewhere — what more could I ask for.

and not choking on a gel mid-race also makes me happy (note: that guy's neck must have hurt like hell later... ouch)
and not choking on a gel mid-race also makes me happy

Around mile 10, on the out-and-back portion, I first saw Travis (and successfully side-5ed, wohoo!) and later, many folks in my RunningAddicts group who were there pacing. I kept feeling like my body was trying to surge and saw that I had dropped something around a 7:11 pace for mile 10, but I knew I couldn’t sustain that for the final 3 miles and kept trying to reign things in a bit. Though we had finished most of the climbs, there were still a little bit left, something like only 200′ over the last 3 miles — not much, for sure, but enough to make you feel it after running 10+ miles and climbing some in the first 5 miles.

For whatever reason, probably since I first learned my multiplication tables, I always tend to think that 8*4 is 36. I know it’s not, but for some reason, I always think that it is — I think everyone has a thing like this, be it with math or spelling — and around mile 10, when I started to feebly do some mental math, I initially got incredibly dismayed because I didn’t think it’d be physically possible for me to break 1:40, a goal that I had somewhat kept to myself because I thought it was completely unrealistic, if not irresponsible, for the training I’ve done lately. However, once I remembered the actual product to that 8*4 bugger, I damn near rejoiced because I thought that it was actually feasible — barring catastrophe — though I’d have to be very careful and intentional over the final few.

Those final couple hundred feet of climbing felt monstrous, though I was catching up to and passing people right and left (giving myself a huge confidence boost in the process), and ultimately, as I was coming down the finish chute (and after hearing Austin’s booming voice on my right) and saw Travis on the other side, I kicked with anything that I had left and came up with a 1:40:11 (fuck) for 13.17 miles — just missing breaking 1:40 and running almost-perfect tangents. Damn,  how quickly I forget the feeling of “really happy but just a tad miffed.” Racing, how wonderful and tough you are, you sly minx. (Garmin stuff here).

Austin got this great one of Travis just steps from finishing 13.1
Austin got this great one of Travis just steps from finishing 13.1

 

final: 317/3575 OA; 42/1722 women; 11/539 AG (30-39)
looks like my hair is on fire. final: 317/3575 OA; 42/1722 women; 11/539 AG (30-39)

As I suspected, it ended up being a really fun morning. Once I finished, I quickly connected with Travis and Jen, Meredith, Austin, and A, and grabbed A and walked with her and Travis through all the post-race vendor stuff. Travis and I each earned a special TSFM/Berkeley Challenge medal (for completing each race), which was neat, and before long, we all met up again and reconvened at Meredith’s before parting ways. While Travis and I were racing, apparently A and Austin, Jen, and Meredith were busy having a blast at some of the playgrounds nearby. Good morning for all 🙂

YIB0D7R7
PC: Austin

I’d definitely recommend the BHM. I had a really positive experience, and it definitely gave me the feedback I needed to figure out how things are coming along for me postpartum. Seeing friends always sweetens the experience, of course, and being able to bring Big Sis along also made the morning more fun. Thanks for the opportunity, BHM gang.

And with the feedback from the BHM (and the other races I’ve run this autumn as fitness/endurance assessments) in mind, and after a few more days of hemming and hawing (or heeing and hawing, because that makes me think of cowboys, which makes me laugh for no good reason) this eventually happened:

here we gooooooooooo!
here we gooooooooooo!

 

Thanks again to the fine folks at the Berkeley Half Marathon for allowing me to be a social media ambassador for your fine race in 2015. It was a blast, and if you find yourself in the Bay Area in the future during the BHM weekend, definitely look into the race. It’s a good one.