Running Ruminations

I’m writing while seated shoulder-to-shoulder with my kindergartner here at home, as her teacher finishes the “synchronized” instruction portion of the school day online, and behind me is a weird-as-hell yellow sky that makes me think that either an enormous tornado/storm is brewing or that the world is ending. 

Mind you, the AQI is actually pretty favorable at the moment — 40s, green, good — but our skies have been a strange shade of mustard/gray/“apocalypse orange” the past couple days, thanks to fires all over the west (including one downstate that began thanks to a gender reveal party stunt, no doubt for the ‘gram). Fortunately, the fires nearest to us, the SCU Lightning Complex, are nearly completely contained; now, there are just other ones farther afield to worry about. sigh

This year is weird and just keeps going, doesn’t it. 

I’ll take good news wherever I can get it these days. SCC moved into the “red” tier status in the state’s new color-coded gauge, which is a good thing. While there are still a significant number of COVID cases in our county, the move in tiers signifies that we are moving in the right direction. Among other things that could happen as a result of the color/status change, in theory, schools could open for in-person instruction if we stay in the red (on the red?) for 14 days, subject to local school boards’ approvals and everything else. That would obviously have enormous and significant consequences for tons of people here.  

Also in the “good news, please, literally anything” department is that I noticed that as of this morning, ARP is open again. It was closed for much of the earliest parts of the pandemic, reopened for a while, and then was closed again for 3+weeks when the SCU Complex was raging (relatively) nearby. Since then, more often than not, the park has been closed (thanks to Labor Day, the oppressive heat wave last weekend, and the like), and with us in the early days of fire season, it’s reasonable to expect future closures, which totally sucks but, like I said, is totally reasonable. 

In other words, enjoy this sweet gem of a spot on the east side while it’s still open, but do so responsibly, for the love! ARP really is such a treasure. 

It is so unlike me to focus on the here and now and not look two steps ahead of reality at any given point, and by virtue of you likely being a runner if you are reading this, I know you can relate. I’m a planner by nature, someone who loves schedules and routines and checking boxes and all that jazz, and of course, the past ~7 months have upended that which was the norm previously… which is hard. More often than not, I can give you a decent estimation of what I’ll do today, but I can’t say much for tomorrow. It’s weird, and disorienting, and sometimes (oftentimes) maddening.  

Every day (nay, sometimes every hour, it can feel like), when all the feelings begin to bubble up inside, feelings that range from anger, to fear, to boredom, to anxiety, whatever the case may be, I try desperately to reorient myself. Feel your feelings, by all means, but also try to have some perspective, acknowledging that which you have and being grateful for it. It’s a common refrain I share with my girls when they (and I) are having one of those we’re feeling our feelings in full day, and I find it helpful. 

The simplicity of gratitude belies its power. 

Today, I am grateful that I could run this morning under favorable-AQ-skies, weird as they may have looked, and I’m grateful that I was able to help facilitate my kids’ online school, as hard as it can be to be playing both mom and teacher at times. 

Tonight, I am grateful that my eldest’s GS troop is continuing to meet online because we’re still doing awesome things together, apart, and navigating this weird time together. 

And somewhat miraculously, I was able to score a membership to one of the local gyms that’s doing outdoor lap swimming and got a reservation for tonight for 45 minutes for the girls and me, and for what, I am also enormously grateful. 

As I find myself reminding my kids that life won’t be like this forever, I’m finding that I’m telling myself the same, that the best thing we can all do is stay focused on today, right now, and just do the best we can, without much planning for the future. 

It can be hard to stay positive and to continue to look on the bright side all the time, but it’s something that I want to model for my family and something that I come back to every day — that there is always something for which to be grateful, even on the days when I mentally want to burn it all to the ground, no stupid, catastrophe-causing pyrotechnic stunt for the ‘gram required. 

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On occupying time and settling mental unrest

Reading. I’m creeping through Eloquent Rage and finally began Zadie Smith’s White Teeth, a library book that I checked out weeks ago but hadn’t yet been feeling until recently. Both are good, and I’m kicking myself for not beginning them sooner. (I think I need to read the news less often). Last week, the girls and I finished Walk Two Moons, which I hadn’t read in eons, and started PS Be Eleven.  

Listening. Still no, aside from a thirty-minute SWAP podcast this morning. Early in the pandemic, I found that I craved the absolute silence my morning runs afforded me, though eventually I began to drown the silence with podcasts or music most of the time. For whatever reason — maybe related to all this distance learning stuff — I’ve since reverted back to the quiet, early days of the pandemic. 

Running. September began BSIM’s Big Surreal challenge, and I’m on the fence about whether I want to run a solo marathon just … because. We’ll see. I ran a little over 13 last Saturday, a proper LR for me for the first time in weeks because of the poor air, and it wasn’t terrible, just hot. I think I’ve answered it already for myself, now that I think about it; see my above commentary about not really wanting to commit to any long-term planning right now. I like the idea of it, if nothing else. I’m not sure how I feel about the execution…  

Since the AQ has begun to improve, the kids and I have been spending more time outdoors than we have in the past few weeks, and I know they’re loving it (and that they desperately need it). During our mid-morning breaks, we make it a point to go outside and get the mail, talk to the mail carrier (he’s our buddy by now), and run or scooter or bike around before they have to head back inside and sign back on to their classes. A has decided that she wants to begin training for a duathlon — run, bike run, I think — since swimming hasn’t yet been able to resume yet, and for G, as the AQ continues to improve, we’ll finish out her 5k training. Everything, of course, is dependent on the AQ and the weather, so I hope for the girls’ sake that it’ll all continue to improve. Just like everything else right now though, it’s a day at a time and an enormous exercise in patience.  

Cooking. Finally, it’s super simple, and fairly inexpensive to make, so I gotta spread the good word about lentil tacos. I made these sometime last week and have been chowing down on them for lunch ever since. They’re delicious and fairly idiot-proof, and I appreciate that I don’t have to ponder all of life’s existence each day as I figure out how to feed both girls and myself in the very short time we have before afternoon sign-ons. Pop it in the microwave (if you want) to warm up the lentil mix, and that’s about it. Easy.  

55 days until Election Day (7 weeks, 6 days).  

Stay healthy and safe, take care of yourself and others if you can, and keep reading and listening. We must and can do better. xo